Had quite a rough day today. Ying left, I went to tuition on a pasar malam night. The place was jammed pack with mean drivers. I circled new territories and felt down already. I parked at a normal parking spot. Taught a tiring class to an irresponsive, slobbering boy. Came out at 915pm to find my car sandwiched very rudely between 2 big cars leaving me less than a feet of space both sides. How great for me that I parked so straight today. I felt so down.
I prayed and asked for calmness. I thought it through. With my KL experience I knew it was pretty much suicide to call the owners of the cars out although I knew which houses they must belong to. The housing area was a wealthy one and the car behind me was a sports car- indicative of a young, hot-tempered man and the car in front was a big honda or some sort. KL taught me that once they can park that way knowing you are in the center means they could give a rats tooshie about your convenience and to remind them of it would be again, suicide.
So, I prayed and I began the tumultuous task of turning the non-power steering wheel. I prayed before attempting the solution. I have to admit, I did not believe or think that it could change my crumbling self at that moment but miraculously it did. The past posts on the importance of prayer was really strengthening to me. To pray before a trial/difficulty/temptation… I faced the temptation of anger and overwhelming soul-sucking kinda self-pity. I prayed a quick prayer and turned. After tons of turning with onlookers(eating at the hawkers) watching me, I made it out, without a scratch. My habitual self proceeded then, almost obligatorily, to introspect. I found that I was not angered in anyway. Or sweating from my back as historical frustrating turns have proven to cause. (Also, this was these turns were the worst by far because of the stagnant and close proximity of the cars.) I was not frazzled. Rather a phrase came to my mind: God is sovereign. He oversees it all. I’m really thankful for His grace today.
There may have been better choices by others if put in the same position as mine. But what I’ve learnt is that, most importantly, submission to God changes me, rather than the situation. The outcome could have still been disastrous and it wouldn’t have meant that God was not there. It would have meant that the other person has things to learn or I still do. Either way, the varying factors are not an indication of God forsaking us because he never will. What I took away from this is how prayer changed me, my thoughts, my disposition, my outlook and behaviour in general. The non-praying me would probably have wasted this opportunity to gain peace. She would then be tossing and turning at this unfortunate event and asking WHY GOD WHY TODAY WHEN YOU KNEW ITS A HARD DAY. Totally blinded by the harsh circumstances, blind to God’s hidden grace on me. Also, this event serves to remind me as well as others reading this that everytime when we drive or are in a place of control/power- eg: behind a wheel, being a boss, leading a group of people, taking any responsibility, owning a home, a business etc. we should never ever let spite determine our actions. In thoughts like “Let them suffer for it.”, “Let them this and that.”, we forget that we are in no place to judge others. Deserving or not, our attitude must be correct and judgment lies not with us but with Him. The word REVENGE is a strong one. Often pictured together with a Chinese series or some dramatic play. Unassociated with everyday life. But revenge is often unspoken in society and it is surprisingly easy on the road. We as Christians barely realise how evil our thoughts are on the road. It seems to have fallen into a sanctified loophole in our minds. No one thinks it wrong or even an issue. If you pause to think of it, you will realise, the thoughts are so diabolical. Why have we allowed ourselves to have an evil outlet in driving? Everytime we face a temptation to commit revenge on the road, we ought to pray.
